RainbowBrite Underwear The Edward Elric Story
by Chibi Haku
Summary: [AHOY MATIES! CRACK OFF THE PORT BOW] As a manager of a finicky model, Roy always knew he'd have to make some... sacrifices. Pity he never knew about this one beforehand. [RoyxEd, AU. Involves professional modelling and rainbow underwear.]


**Rainbow-Brite Underwear - The Edward Elric Story**

**Chapter 1 - Plotting Infamy**

* * *

Edward gave the proffered gift such a look of haughty, disdainful arrogance that Roy feared it would melt under the blond's stare. The look was then turned on Roy, and the man found himself pinned by golden eyes containing a lion's share of ferocity and hatred.

"No." The 18 year old model said arrogantly, voice lined with spite. "Not a chance." There boded no room for argument, yet Roy decided to do so anyway - his job as both the boy's manager and financial advisor was at stake.

"When I signed you on to my payroll, Mister Elric, you agreed to do anything and everything I asked of you. I am no longer asking." The gift was once again shoved forward, this time with Roy gracing the boy with his own distasteful look. "For a model of your... stature, it is harder to obtain a contract than from someone who is... say... of a more significant standing. Now, while your intelligence and stamina are not to be argued, these are not key aspects to your career."

Edward was still bristling over the implied slur at his height and therefore missed the thinly veiled compliments that Roy had graced him with. Which was as it should be. The gift was shoved forward with a little more urgency, and this time his prodigy took it up with a slight sneer hovering about the corners of his face. It was then tossed to the other side of the room.

Really. This was getting beyond frustrating.

Placing a hand to his forehead and praying for patience, Roy sighed and continued in the most reasonable tone he could muster. "You will wear the pants, Edward. You will sit in the pants and allow Hughes to take photos of you in the pants. You will then go along your merry way no longer wearing the pants, and with the cash from this shoot in hand. You will wear a breadwinning smile for your brother and buy food to put on your table. An as a reward on top of this, I will not inform your brother of how exactly the funds for wearing these pants were obtained. As. Per. Our. Bargain."

Roy swallowed the quip that with Edward's appetite, the money gained from this shoot probably wouldn't even satisfy him for a day. You didn't mess with the blonde time bomb when he had that particular sour look on his face. Roy needed this shoot to keep Bradley happy, the man had been very insistent on just which of his models would do this particular underwear shot.

"Underwear shots were never in the bargain to begin with!" Edward returned, picking up the pants on the ground, only to throw them back at Mustang with lividity. "So I don't care what you have to say!"

"But you do care what Alphonse has to say, do you not?" It was a poorly hidden threat and from the way Edward's lip curled, the young model knew it.

Edward frowned and lowered his voice, "Let me make this as monosyllabic as possible, Mustang. I don't think that me in these pants is a good shoot. I think these pants are gay. Do you think you get that?" This was accompanied by a frown that slowly turned into a grimace as Roy held up the garment in question once more.

Just to make it perfectly clear, Roy knew why the pants had upset Edward. Coupled with the boy's fear of showing his automail and many battle scars, the underwear was a horrid combination of bright, garish colours that burnt at the retinas and placed one's very sexuality in question. However, even though there was no possible way the underwear would sell, unless as a gag gift by an angry girlfriend, Mustang had to make Edward do the shot, otherwise his ass was fried. "Please, Edward. Just five photos, none of which will show your face. I swear it."

"I am not wearing the Rainbow-Brite high-waisted faggot undies and that is FINAL. People will question my gender orientation!"

Well, that was an easy comment to deal with. "Edward, may I just point out here the simple fact that if people were to question your gender preference, they'd probably get it right?" He gave his most placating smile possible.

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" Edward exploded, launching himself forward and grabbing Roy by the collar. "Even if you know that, and I'm not sure how you do, but even IF YOU DO, that's no reason to put me in those... things! I'm quite fine with everyone thinking that I'm as straight as a beanpole and if you want that to change any time soon, you're going to have to give me one helluva good reason as to why. You know as well as I do that this modelling act you've got me doing here is to support my brother through college damnitall and I'm not going to destroy my reputation now just when it's starting to build up."

Roy frowned. "Publicity." He said.

"What?" Edward was so stunned by the left wing comment that he let go.

"Publicity. Free publicity. Wear the underwear, Edward, and we'll have a photoshoot." Roy's battle smirk silenced Edward's protest. He was plotting, and Even Edward knew that. "The easiest way to become well known is to become infamous before you become famous. You've got a pretty face, and a smart mind to boot, which is a rare combination, especially in a male."

Edward frowned at the compliment this time, but his only reaction to it other than that was "I'm not pretty like a girl."

"Of course you're not." Mustang replied soothingly, but not in such a babying tone as to set Edward off again. The boy was listening now and Mustang planned to keep it that way. "My point is, you can see where I'm coming from and it intrigues you, does it not?"

Edward's frown grew more prominent as he replied with, "Tell me, but if I don't like it, I'm walking away from this studio right now and never coming back."

Mustang knew he wouldn't, but that wasn't the point. "You're gay. It doesn't matter how I know or what you would prefer to call it, it's simply the fact. You have a gender preference for males. You know this, I know this, but the rest of the world doesn't. We take the photoshoot, accidentally get your face into one of them and release the photo onto the internet. The fashion world will buzz, the tabloids along with it."

"So you're planning to make my image a Gaylord?" Edward demanded, anger quickly showing in his body language. Roy sighed, getting out the metaphorical plasters to mend the damage his comments had caused.

"That's not what I said. But in essence, I'm saying that we should make the world buzz with rumour about one Edward Elric's sexual preference. Do one thing and say another. You deny all rumours while in the meantime, you are seen hanging around town with a pretty boy on your arm." Roy hoped that would be enough.

"And in return, what do I get?" Edward demanded. "All this infamy could tarnish my reputation, will do so. So what makes this all worth it, Roy Mustang?"

"Cash. Cold hard cash and lots of it. Your increased exposure will mean that you'll have revenue pouring in from all sides. Interviews with magazines and gossip shows - these will increase your exposure in the modelling world and people will want you to do shoots in their clothing all the time. You're a pretty face and a good body, Edward. That, more than your intelligence, is going to get you far in this world. You make even the ugliest piece of rags look good and that's what people want in this industry."

Edward looked thoughtful for a moment. "And then?"

Roy faltered here. He could easily tell Edward from what he knew of the fashion world that something greater would be needed after that to keep Edward from dying out like a drowned candle, but something in that face inspired him to kindle a touch more selfishness and hope. "And then we use your intelligence. You'll release a few books, prove to the world that you're more than your looks and your body and you'll be a star."

There was a pause in which all of what was said was digested and Edward graced Roy with a look of pure lividity. Roy gulped, Edward wouldn't agree.

"Okay." Edward said, a smirk curving at his lips. "But with one condition."

"And what is that, Edward Elric?"

"You know that pretty boy on my arm?" Edward quipped casually, his smirk turning predatory, as Roy faltered.

"Yes, Elric?"

"That pretty boy is you."

* * *

"...I can't believe I'm doing this." Roy muttered as he stood to one side while Hughes took the photos. Edward frowned.

"You and me both." The boy said, looking splendid in naught but rainbow underwear, his long, golden hair spilling in waves over his shoulders. With catlike amber eyes that seemed to glow in the lens flash and skin that was olive without effort all over him, Edward was born for the camera. His lowered eyelids and scowling mouth made him the perfect male model, and Roy prided himself on having found the boy when he was still a child and being able to shape him, to train him properly to do his job right. Half of Roy's work was taken away when the camera was pointed in Ed's direction, the boy was born for the attention. "The claims you set, though, Edward, seem rather unusual."

The boy shrugged as the flash of the camera went off, then hissed at Hughes, baring his teeth. "That photo better get scrapped, I saw where you were pointing that camera." He said, before turning his attention back to Roy. "What? No kissing unless you're serious is hardly an unusual claim, Mustang. It may not be known that I'm gay, but it's known widely that you have a tendency to fall for both sexes. At least, you would if you could keep your pants on for more than five minutes."

The comment stung at Roy for a moment, then he laughed. "Coming from the man in his underwear." He shot back at Edward, trying his best not to laugh sardonically. "The choice though presents it's own series of problems, like how one presents a working relationship as anything but, with someone we'd just plucked off the streets it would be much easier to establish in the press that there was a relationship."

"And therefore keep your ass out of the firing line? I don't think so." The flash went off again. "WATCH IT." Edward snapped, full of bitter glory. He was in a bad mood.

It was understandable.

Sweet, bespectacled Hughes, Roy's best friend since early childhood and earlier merely laughed at them both, pointing the camera once more in Ed's direction. "It's on your own heads." He said simply. "Both of you baiting each other on until what you got was a total mess. And don't say it, Roy. You only accepted this deal because your pride wouldn't let you refuse a condition from Edward Elric." Not so sweet, but still bespectacled, so Roy couldn't punch the man in the face. It was so tempting to do so, however, that it took all of Roy's willpower to resist the urge. Hughes was toying with fate, fate and an angry black-haired man who had made a fool's bargain earlier in the day, and signed a contract at Edward's insistence. (Though at the time, the boy's reasoning that if Edward was to embarrass himself, Roy would have to too had seemed perfectly reasonable. Funny how hindsight works.)

"Have you gotten Edward's face in one of those?" Roy asked Hughes instead of hitting him, shifting the radiating fury coming from the blond off himself and onto his best friend. Whoever said turnabout wasn't fair play had never met one Maes Hughes. The tactic worked as 65 kilowatts of undiluted blond fury aimed themselves at the man, who gulped, knowing that even with only bright rainbow undies on, Edward was still armed to the teeth.

Roy merely hoped that the plan would work.

Even heaven couldn't help him if it didn't.

* * *

_A/n: OKAY LOOK RIGHT HERE I'M ALIVE AND THIS IS FINALLY OUT OF MY HEAD!_

_I am incredibly, INCREDIBLY sorry for my lack of updates. -grovels like the good little attentionwhore that she is- Work kinda went "HAHAITSCHRISTMAS TAKE THAT! And had me working pretty much 11 hour shifts six days a week and come my day off I was too buggered to even write anything that even looked any decent. Then, well, uni timetabling came up and I got sick, got better and got sick again and finally - after Christmas work decided that I could work a lot more than I was and put me back on to five days a week. (Though the shifts are a lot shorter (thank the heavens!)) _

_So yeah. This has been tossing and turning about in my head ever since I saw the pair of underwear that inspired the first scene. (Yes, they were men's rainbow underwear. They amused the HELL out of me.) So yeah. This got written._

_As for my other fics, AWWA is getting written! Storied is getting written! A new chapter of Soulless is slowly beating itself out of my head and onto some paper, though at a much MUCH slower pace than the others (The process is more painful than beating someone with a nailbat.). Blackbird is coming along too, though getting two moody characters who hate social interaction to... well... socially interact is proving a tad difficult. (Damn you Riku!! XD)_

_And then there's always this, which is just going "LOOK AT ME! I'M CRACK AND I'M DEMANDING ATTENTION!" So yeah. Enjoy the crack. Crack is good for you._

_Leave a little review for a very, very bad person? -rattles tin-_


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